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READERS’ COLUMN || Changing World Order – A Parody By Toki Blah

 Join the dots and see if the stage has collapsed  under the weight of the actors playing on it.

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By Toki Blah

William Shakespeare said “The World’s a stage and all men and women merely players”. Today the World Order of the last 80 years is disappearing.  Lets try and identify the actors directly involved with this changing Cosmic Order; try to fit in their profiles and contributions  to this  alteration;  join the dots and see if the stage has collapsed  under the weight of the actors playing on it.

  1. Donald John Trump aka DJT (The Lead actor, responsible for the demise)

Who ever dreamt that one day the strongest Democracy would be headed by the Village Idiot

Medieval Europeans believed that “The World was Ruled by an Ass”.  Men laughed at this ridiculous notion, but not anymore.

The ancients in their infinite wisdom were simply saying “If fools rule, reality itself becomes absurd.”

  1. Vladimir Putin (the man who compromised everyone)

A psychologist par excellence.

It would seem the KGB is the best school on how to read the minds of your enemies. He has managed to keep Trump happy with false promises ; the Europeans running in circles like headless chicken; Zelenskyy frantically dashing  from pillar to post;  NATO on the brink of a split up and the rest of the World wondering “What next”. Not an easy task but he managed it.

  1. Xi Jinping (The smiling Sphinx)

The man with that inscrutable Mona Lisa  smile that implies : “See, I know something  that you don’t”. Malicious gossip has it that he also runs the World’s biggest book club except the only book allowed is The Collected Works of Xi Jinping, and attendance is mandatory. A trait that authoritarians like Trump find so fascinating.

A modern Shylock, his BRI loans are weaponised to draw the last drop of blood.

  1. Narendra Modi (still wondering what the Pakis have that he doesn’t)

Today wears the mannerism of a jilted lover. Bear hugs notwithstanding ,his best friend “Doland” ditched him and that too over a 8-carat recycled gold  plated medal called the Nobel Peace Prize. To add insult to injury “Doland” also imposed high tariff rates on Indian goods while openly flirting with Pakistan. The affront was meant to hurt and it did.

This lovers tiff is either to be resolved or to widen further

  1. Mark Carney (The Hero of Davos)

The one who bit the bullet. Everyone, even 56-inch chest wallas, cringed away from calling the bluff of a bully and a tyrant. Carney came forth and called stupidity – STUPID! A spade is a spade. Nothing can change the truth. The hallmark of a value based leader of a Democracy.

  1. Volodymyr Zelenskyy (The modern Oliver Twist)

In school, Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens was a compulsory read for English classes. One of the most poignant chapter is when Oliver Twist approaches the manager of the workhouse for another bowl of porridge.

Zelenskyy in his attempts to save his country Ukraine, reminds one of this story. The quintessential innocent orphan always fighting for a better deal.

  1. Karoline Leavitt (Pretty Polly knows who butters her bread)

Karoline Leavitt carries herself like she’s simultaneously a White House press secretary and the defense attorney of a lunatic. She doesn’t just defend Trump—she absorbs questions on his behalf. Her posture says: “I am calm, I am composed, and I have already decided you are wrong and a Leftist Liberal to boot”. Period. Bottom of Form.

  1. Shehbaz Sharif (Marched into Gaza and then found no one was following him)

In Persian it means brave, noble, powerful person. Sorry to say but its anything but that. The man carries himself with the dignity of a mouse. Submissive, compliant and obedient before his master Munir and his patron Trump.

  1. Keir Starmer (Suddenly reminded that Brexit means standing alone)

How to deal with erratic cousins across the Atlantic seems to be this PM’s worst nightmare. Keir Starmer’s stand against tariffs has the energy of a man politely scolding a hurricane. Trump comes charging waving his tariffs like a Gurkha’s Kukri and all Starmer could say is “Now hang on. Be careful with that sword, it needs to be applied within a rule based international framework”.

  1. Ursula von der Leyen (walking the catwalk in dapper style does pay diplomatic dividends)

Tidy, neat, ice cold and sharp as a tack describes this person to a tee.

Ursula von der Leyen often looks like she’s walking straight out of a fashion catalog titled “Power Blazers for World Domination.”

She speaks with efficiency: crisp, no wrinkles, no wasted words.

It’s like watching a headmistress of Europe who says, “Class, today we’ll be discussing fiscal discipline—and yes, you at the back, stop whatever you are doing and pay attention”

  1. Emmanuel Macron (Ioh kha iap saw te lah jem daw lypa) – When your wife is a divorcée, you’re already at the losing end!

Peeved when Trump released their confidential “back stab” plot on Greenland. Then when Trump threatened 200% tariffs on French champagne, Macron responded with a “Hey Buddy, we got a trade bazooka and we’ll use it too”. Joker of the pack.

  1. Benjamin Netanyahu (With enemies all around, who needs friends?)

Talk big with a bigger stick in your hands.

Models himself in the style of a Sheriff of the Wild West “Shoot first. We’ll talk later”. And dam-it, it works in the rough neighbourhood he lives in.

Has learnt from Samson how to win battles “With the jaw of an Ass.” Not too difficult to guess who the “Ass” is.

  1. Greenland. (In a changing World Order, even melting ice bergs have value)

A piece of ice that suddenly found itself in the middle of a sizzling hot war of words. Will it melt?  Must be undergoing the agony of a curvaceous virgin , alone in a room with  a lecherous old man casting covetous eyes on her physical attributes and humming “Let it be me”.

  1. Saudi Arabia (Bedouins with nomadic roots and oasis-dwelling villagers, learning the art of modern governance)

A huge piece of waste land where the Brits discovered oil.

The Yanks invested heavily in it. And now like a faithless, roving eyed dissatisfied wife, finally decides to sleep with a cash strapped, penniless tramp called Munir Bhai and Co.

  1. Asim Munir (A maniac who believes that cricketers are dangerous and must be kept in jail)

A clever Pakistani fraudster who found that its child’s play to convince an aging Donkey, suffering from cognitive disorders and dementia, that the Paradise called Pakistan is essentially a piece of prime real estate floating on oil and Bit Coins!

  1. Supreme leader, Ali Khamenei of Iran (Most people often wonder why he looks like an undernourished sacrificial goat)

Now here is a man with a double vision – He can see both the Great Satan as well as the Zionist Regime converging into one image. For him the Great Satan is a Godless Blasphemous land, always on the verge of collapse while Israel is a small, fragile and about to vanish Entity.

It is God’s promise that both will be finished off by the Ayatollah, but unfortunately God seems in no particular hurry to fulfill that vow.  Nothing has happened so far, but hope is if one were to repeat “God is Great” continuously without cease, God might wake up from his slumber.

  1. Sanae Takaichi (Seemingly fragile and decorous but apparently made up of Sternerstuff)

Sanae Takaichi, “Strict headmistress of Japanese politics.”

Didn’t seem too impressed with the Donald when they met and he grabbed her hand in a handshake (DJT later complained that she had a hard grip. Perhaps he was more used at grabbing other softer parts of women’s anatomies)

Apparently she also told Xi Jingping to “go fly a kite”. A tough female.

  1. Mohamed Yunus (At eighty the ability to screw your neighbours might just not be there any more)

Changing the profile of India from “a friendly neighbour with deep ties” to “hmm, suspicious character not to be trusted,” appears to be the driving force behind the post Hasina Bangla regime.

The divorce between Pakistan and Bangladesh has dissolved when handsome Munir turned up with a “Hello  Darling,  long time no see”. Yunus’s heart melted.  Those in the know say it’s a sight to watch Yunus clinging tightly to Munir as they both twirled to Buck Owen’s “Together Again”.

  1. Tariffs (ka bai masur  Syiem

Trump’s idea on how to welcome opponents on board his ship while kicking  allies and friends overboard. It’s the core concept of the Donroe Doctrine.  MAGA at its best.

 

(Mr. Toki Blah is a Retired IAS Officer and a resident of Shillong. He is prominent columnist and President of ICARE Meghalaya. He can be reached at tokiwaioblah505@gmail.com)

The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of 4Front Media or its members.

 

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